Where Is My Power?

Do you value power? Do you desire more power in your life? What for? What would you use power to do or become if you somehow had more power? Where does power come from? In jobs and much (most?) of life, power comes from information - I have more information than you do so you have to consult with me if you want to know! Power comes from positional authority - I have a position and you want to work here or get a promotion, but I have the authority so if you're my assistant, for example, and you want to work on a project I get to say whether you can spend more or less time on your project because I hold the power! As you're driving to work the guy in the car ahead of you has the power to slow you down if he isn't paying attention or doesn't care that you're late for work and he's driving 15 mph under the limit 'cause he has the power to control that traffic lane!

But, more importantly, where does our personal power come from to overcome those ugly situations in life which we can't control? Currently I work in a facility which houses about 120 - 130 men who each struggles with addiction. Some are addicted to alcohol and some to drugs, some to both. The men are in this particular program because they want to get better - most of them - and they realize that they lack or have lacked power in their lives to get their lives back on track. Each man wants to be rid of the past; he wants to make amends where he can; he wants to heal the wounds he has caused in others and he wants desperately to be healed. But where does his power come from to change life? Or can he change life at all? Perhaps he must look at things a different way.

Whether it is a man in an addiction program, a driver going to work, or an employee dealing with a power hungry boss, in each of these situations the individual is dealing with the question that something has to give, to change, or life will possibly bust open somewhere that it shouldn't. But what has to change, life? No, you and I have to change and what we so clearly need is a source of power to make ourselves change.

Sometimes the solutions are very simple to changing ourselves. For example, recently I started driving slower on the way to work. For some who have known me from the past you may be startled that I say that because you knew me from my cab driving days in Chicago! But, age has a way of adding not only gray hairs, but some wisdom, too. So, in driving slower I have changed me and my attitude about the guy driving s-l-o-w-l-y oh, so s-l-o-w-l-y in front of me. The power is in me to change and when I do I can see things from a different perspective.

Not all things are possible to change just by willing it to be so. The men in the program at work want to change, but many of them have come to realize that just wanting to doesn't make it possible. They've tried...many, many times, yet they continue in the struggle. The employee with the lousy supervisor has tried to get through to the boss, but she continues in her power ploy and won't let the staffer work on the project without explicit permission of every detail until she gives the okay! So, having a better mindset about herself won't necessarily change her boss. It might give her a better outlook for most days, but her boss will remain the same.

No, sometimes things don't change and we learn to either accept it as that or we remain in a frustrated state and develop ulcers and frown lines on our faces. Accepting the fact that we cannot change everything gives us a starting point, however, to look for another source of power.

More on this topic next time...I look forward to your comments!